Day 193: I Just Want To Be Pretty :(

Sometimes I can't help but feel sorry for myself. My face looks bad and my skin hurts and I itch insanely and I look hideous. I feel like I can't be the person I'm meant to be or do all the things I meant to be doing right now.

I know this is just a blip in my life - a year or two out of eighty-something is nothing - but it's hard. I know this isn't the end of the world because I'll heal and I'll be better than ever and I'll appreciate things so much more...but day-to-day is hard.

I hate meeting new people because I want to say, "I didn't always look like this! I promise." I don't want people to think I don't take care of myself because that also means they think I'm lazy and dumb and I'm really not those things, I promise.

It's hard that "taking care of yourself" usually equals "wearing makeup and doing your hair nice." What I'm doing now is actually taking care of myself, but it doesn't look that way. I know there's a graduate thesis in here somewhere about gender performance and the beauty myth, but I'm too tired to write it.

Day 186: Six Months & 2 Days!

Six months!!!! (and 2 days!)

I was hoping for a big miraculous overnight changed when day 184 rolled around but alas, I am the same. My hands and ears are very dry, flaky, and red. The skin around my eyes is also red. I wish I had happier things to post but I guess this is the nature of the beast! And I should be thankful it's not worse, right?

I have noticed recently that I am scratching a lot of habit so I am going to work on that.

It's unbelievable the amount of white flakes and powder that flies off me. It's crazy.

Day 179: Could Be Worse, I Guess

I was in a wedding over the weekend. I was at the end of my flare so my face was not very red and I wasn't too itchy. Since it was an outdoors wedding in November in Ohio, the bridesmaids wore cardigans. Thankfully! Unfortunately, the photographer had us take some photos without our cardigans so I'm sure I'll see my red red hands and arms in a wedding Facebook album soon. But I made it, wasn't too itchy or too flaky and that is all very good! In the future, I'll just look back at the pictures and be thankful I'm healed and no longer have red skin!

Sunday and Monday I've had a very very flaky face which sucks but I can deal with it. I noticed that my skin had a very bad smell, though. Those of you with TSW probably have experienced the same super awkward symptom. Sort of yeasty/metallicy/yucky. Anyway, I've noticed it before but not as intensely so I took a bath tonight with 1 c apple cider vinegar and washed with coconut oil. That is supposed to help kill bacteria. Now I don't have that weird smell so maybe it worked.

I feel like I've been perpetually flaring this whole time with times of "I'm better but still having symptoms even though they are not as intense." I know a lot of people get true breaks around 6 months and since I'm just a few days away from it, I hope I do soon!