Friday, December 21, 2012

Day 225: Ouch.

TSW hurts! It's itchy and it's ugly and it's oozy and it's tiring and it's discouraging...but it's also painful. This is a post I recently wrote on the ITSAN forum about it:

Right now the pain is much worse than the itch. Up until recently, most of the time I didn't notice the pain as much because the itch was so intense that I couldn't think of anything else! But my itch is starting to be less intense (although it's definitely THERE, it's like white noise in the background that I can ignore most of the time) and that's probably why the pain is more noticeable.

It's hard to describe but for me, there are a couple different kinds of pain:
    1. Scraped - This is what I feel most often and on my arms & hands especially (which are my worst parts. Have you had a really bad sunburn? Now imagine you have that really bad sunburn all over then you fall down a gravel hill then skid across the pavement. My skin feels like that. I feel like I'm scraped all over, like a million tiny paper cuts cover my body.
    2. Sore - Especially when I have a big scratching frenzy.
    3. Skin is too tight. I don't really know how to describe this but it hurts. I try to turn my head or open my mouth and I can't because the skin is so dry and tight. I guess this sort of goes with the soreness feeling. 
    4. Burning - As if you had a sunburn then soaked the raw skin in rubbing alcohol all over
    5. Zappy nerve tingles - I've had these painful zaps all over my body sporadically but I get these in my breasts regularly and they HURT! It's like an electric zap/needle jab.

I've been taking ibuprofen or naproxen to help with the pain. I've tried long baths, soaking in epsom salts, ACV, milk, oil, anything! I've cycled through my mosturizers -- nothing, then Vaseline, then palm oil, then non-petrol jelly, then Eucerin Healing Creme, then oil, then nothing, now back on Vaseline. I just want something that sinks in like buttah! But nothing does. I found a recipe for a homemade one with cocoa butter and shea butter so I might try whipping that up soon. 

My skin is as red as it was last month, as flaky as it's always been. The itch is better than it was three months ago, but the nerve tingles are worse. I've noticed that the "itchy spots" mostly start on bony my wrists, ribs, hipbone, knee, elbow, collarbone. But even though a bony spot gets my scratching started, I defitely scratch all over!

Mostly I am just stuck. I just want my skin to stop ACHING. Even if it's not beautiful or normal, at least if it would stop hurting, that would make things easier.

Oh, well. Another day, maybe.


  1. as someone only ~3 wks into withdrawal i can only extrapolate with difficulty what it would feel like to have your symptoms right now. one thing i find present in your blog and indeed basically everyone in the tsw community is a matter of fact endurance and knowledge that this is the right thing to do. keep it up.

    finding a moisturizer that both penetrates and stays put has been a lifelong struggle. currently i've found mixing EO everyone lotion with a small amount of coconut oil helps; i'd been experimenting with combinations of good natural lotion (if it isn't made for or gentile one both body and face i don't bother) with something heavier like vaseline, oils, burt's bees baby "ointment", etc. i'm favoring coconut as something that's light, simple, economical, minimally greasy, and keeps tsw paper skin pliant. your milage may vary.

    p.s. is there a way to make it so that i don't have to sign into an existing account from elsewhere in order to comment? i shouldn't have to do that shit.

  2. Mixing lotions with something heavier is a great idea and something I haven't tried before. I've mixed 'butters' (shea/cocoa/etc) with oils (olive, palm, coconut, castor) with okayish results. I like coconut oil but it feels drying somehow, if that makes any sense? I mixed it with cocoa butter & olive oil and that was alright. For the past several months I've mostly been using Vaseline or palm oil. I hope your TSW is going well (or as well as it can anyway!) Thanks for commenting! :)