Friday, June 8, 2012

Day 29: Feeling Down As The Red Creeps Up

The puffy eye went away, although both of my eyelids are very red. But even though the puffy eye went away, I'm feeling a little down today.

I can't stand when things touch when I wash my hair, I have to get it up into a bun ASAP. My shoulders & upper back is flaring so I hate when my wet hair touches my shoulders. Can't stand it. I have actually been thinking about cutting my hair short...I don't think I will, but I've thought about it. I'm also having wardrobe problems. I can't stand most of my work-appropriate shirts. I just want to wear something light-weight but long-sleeve, and loose. I found some summer-weight button downs at Old Navy and those feel nice. They are definitely not flattering though!

Last night, I was supposed to hang out with my boyfriend over at his place but I got SO ITCHY. It was awful. I actually had to leave because I was so itchy. When I got home, I covered myself in Eucerin, popped a Benadryl, and passed out.

I haven't really had an appetite. I've been hungry, but haven't really had a taste for anything. Some things sound worse than others, but nothing sounds good. So instead of wanting to make something really delicious (and potentially even healthy for dinner), I just get Taco Bell because I have to eat something and fast food is easy enough. I actually skipped breakfast yesterday because everything sounded terrible. I never skip breakfast, even if I just eat a granola bar or some awful oatmeal.

Yesterday, a coworker and I were carrying supplies back to the copy room and she said, "Oh, no! Your hands are so red! The box must be hurting you!!" She used that really sympathetic sad voice - you know, the one people use when they see a sick puppy. I said that I just have eczema (which is only sort of the truth, but is an easier explanation). My hands and arms look awful, scaly and red and gross. I look like a dragon.

Another co-worker saw my jar of Eucerin and said she uses that for eczema. I said I do too (sort of). "Oh, I just love that stuff, isn't it great?" she gushed. "I just get the worst eczema, it gets so bad!"

"Me too," I said, wondering if maybe this woman with perfect-looking skin knows The Secret.

"I get this dry spot behind my knee every winter and Eucerin just gets rid of it in no time!"


Hmmm...I think maybe her "worst eczema" is maybe not as bad as mine...

It's so depressing to watch the redness creep slowly over my body, climbing up my arms and around my neck and down my back. This is what I've tried to prevent and reverse my whole life, the reason why I used topical steroids. I'm just turning slowly into a monster.


  1. Hi. I got my hair cut early on in withdrawal as i couldn't stand it on my neck and face. I also had it tied back most of the time.

    I have now just got to the stage when I can wear it down again, but it took 6 1/2 months.

    Keep going. You are doing great. x

  2. You aren't a monster or a dragon. :)