Day 193: I Just Want To Be Pretty :(

Sometimes I can't help but feel sorry for myself. My face looks bad and my skin hurts and I itch insanely and I look hideous. I feel like I can't be the person I'm meant to be or do all the things I meant to be doing right now.

I know this is just a blip in my life - a year or two out of eighty-something is nothing - but it's hard. I know this isn't the end of the world because I'll heal and I'll be better than ever and I'll appreciate things so much more...but day-to-day is hard.

I hate meeting new people because I want to say, "I didn't always look like this! I promise." I don't want people to think I don't take care of myself because that also means they think I'm lazy and dumb and I'm really not those things, I promise.

It's hard that "taking care of yourself" usually equals "wearing makeup and doing your hair nice." What I'm doing now is actually taking care of myself, but it doesn't look that way. I know there's a graduate thesis in here somewhere about gender performance and the beauty myth, but I'm too tired to write it.